August 23, 2020 - The Mill and My Brain

One of the ways I keep myself awake at night (not voluntarily) is by coming up with conspiracy theories. I'm not talking about the ridiculous yet popular ones, such as vaccines cause autism and mail-in voting will be rife with fraud. I'm talking about the ones that only exist in my head for the sole purpose of occupying my brain when it should be quieting down for the night.

My newest one involves the eyesore of an abandoned mill in my hometown. It has been unpopulated, unused, and unkempt for over forty years. The owner of the mill and the town have, at best, a contentious relationship, going back and forth trying to screw each other over, resulting in absolutely nothing happening with the property. My knowledge of the situation between the owner and the town is far from complete, but my understanding is that every time the town tries to go after the mill (not always in the fairest of ways), the owner retaliates in irritating ways (e.g., closing off a cut-through street or banning town buses from the property).

Every so often, though, the town comes alive with excitement and the rumor mill begins to churn. A couple times over the past few years, someone painted "DEMO" on the sides of the building. Something's happening! Let's plan a multi-use facility with shops, restaurants, and housing. Yay, tax revenue! Boo, overcrowded schools! The discussion boards light up with everyone's opinions, some polite and others not so much. Then nothing happens. Whoops, miscommunication. That shouldn't have been posted. And a week or two ago signs popped up for construction (destruction?) crews at one corner of the mill. Rumors are again swirling. They're going to tear down a quarter of the mill! Let the speculation of how to use the property begin anew! Let the boards reignite with the passions of the people in hopes this time will be different!

That's where my brain enters the picture. As I lie awake at night, at first dreaming of how the property might be used (no one seemed interested in my idea to convert it into a movie/ television studio similar to what Plymouth Rock Studios was supposed to be), my brain then starts to laugh at me and suggest the ridiculousness I know it all too capable of.

The owner is doing all of this on purpose. This is his grand revenge scheme on the town. It was his idea to paint "DEMO" on the building. It was his idea to hire a company to post signs and walk around the property. It was his idea to let the townsfolk figuratively eat each other alive on the best way to use the property. We'll get shops! The rats will be everywhere! The town will be pretty! We'll all get asbestos poisoning! The mill owner is Rod Serling, he's turning the town into Maple Street, and the monsters are here.

At least that's what my brain says at 1 A.M.

August 13, 2020 - Watch the Hamsters

These are trying times to say the least. Times that force many to resort to finding ways to cope. Times when some of us frequently find ourselves asking, often rhetorically, "Who needs a drink?" This becomes problematic for me as I'm not much of a drinker. A while back, when I'd go out with folks after work, instead of getting a drink, I'd order some chicken wings and waffle fries. Food became my equivalent to alcohol. Unfortunately, my belt only has so many notches, and I've had to find another way of coping with the challenges the world throws at me. That way is laughter.

A while back I found this video of two hamsters on a wheel. It's one of the funniest videos I've ever seen (don't worry; the hamsters are fine). Give it a watch; see what you think. Every time I watch it, I laugh. Even if it's several consecutive time, as it has been lately, it always cheers me up. I feel better. 

So now, when I read that a high school in Georgia sent students back for full, in-person classes, I watch the hamsters. When I find out that the school suspended the the girl who posted the pictures of mask-less students in overcrowded hallways (because yeah, she's the issue), I watch the hamsters. 

When I read that a Florida county sheriff has banned anyone - staff or civilian - from wearing masks in the sheriff's office, I watch the hamsters. When I find out that the mayor of that city vetoed a city council emergency mask order, I watch the hamsters.

When I read that a Georgia congressional district (Come on, Georgia, what's with you? We already have Florida) nominated a QAnon following, anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim, racist woman. I watch the hamsters. When I read that Trump called her a future star, I watch the hamsters. 

When I post a survey in my town's Facebook group asking who will get the COVID-19 vaccine when it becomes available, and ~40% say no, I watch the hamsters. 

When I watch Trump tell a reporter that Trump has done more for Black people than anyone else, I watch the hamsters. Sometimes, though, even the hamsters aren't enough. And that's okay. They don't need this kind of pressure. On occasion I give the hamsters a break, so when I see that Trump's comment about doing more for Black people than anyone is in response to a question about John Lewis (you know, the guy who had his skull cracked open when marching for civil rights), I give the hamsters the day off. And I look at the horse cookie.

August 3, 2020 - Where I Belong

I have always considered myself a spiritual, not religious, person. I never subscribed to the idea that I have to live a certain way because an unseen being commanded me to do so; I live the way I live because I think the decisions I make are the right decisions. They are for the benefit of the many, not so I can win an afterlife (#humblebrag not intended). I think most religions worship the same god, just under different names with a few minor differences in beliefs. And I've always been content to live my life on my own with my beliefs. 

Yesterday, though, my wife and I decided to attend an outdoor service at our local Unitarian church. From the moment we arrived, we felt a sense of community, despite the fact that there were a total of maybe fifteen people there, including the officiant and participants. We were there to celebrate the good and acknowledge the bad with others. Personally, I felt more connected when I found that members of the congregation had pets named Yoda and Anakin. The incoming sexton and I spoke briefly about the bands he's worked with in the past (I will say right now that I am more than envious). Three different people, including the pastor, came over to introduce themselves before the service began, and another congregant came over to talk with us after it was over. I know this happens in many houses of worship, but this time it felt more personal.

As for the service, the focus was not what we have to do to please a god; it was what we have to do to make the world a better place. It reminded of us of how we all connect with each other and with nature; we each received a heart of wildflower seeds (pictured above) to bring home and plant. The service had a section called "Stones of Joy & Concern", where attendees could share parts of their lives and receive support for the good and bad in their lives. There was mention of how they help those in the community who are having a difficult time. I felt more connected with the secular musical numbers ("Somewhere" from West Side Story, "Over the Rainbow", "Here Comes the Sun") than I ever did with "Ein Keloheinu" or "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". 

None of this is to dismiss or diminish anyone else's religious or spiritual beliefs (unless they promote harm to others; I can't get behind that). This is just to say that I think I might have found my place in the spiritual world. I can't commit, not yet. This was one outdoors service with a small fraction of the congregation. Once this pandemic passes, and we can get inside the church with everyone else, I might feel different. Or I might have these feelings intensified. All I can say is that for now, I think I've found where I belong.

July 31, 2020 - You're Welcome

Yesterday I stumbled upon a vlog called English with Lucy, where a British woman tries to encourage people to expand their vocabularies. I admire her intent, trying to help people - often ELL folks - learn to understand and use language effectively. Early in the vlog she encourages people to use audio books while reading the texts to link sounds and letters. When we hear and see a word simultaneously, it helps link how to pronounce a word with how to spell it. This would have been helpful when I was young and asked my parents what discernible means, except I pronounced it disk'-er-nibble; my parents had a good laugh at that. 

I am all for varying language and understanding nuance, but I also believe words have meanings that should not be overlooked. When Lucy presents sixteen alternatives to you're welcome, she says it's because the phrase is overused and we should consider other ways of saying it. But the phrase itself is useful. It serves a purpose. Lucy considers how, when, and by whom the alternatives can be used (British or American, informal or formal, older people or younger people), but I have some issues with many of her choices. 

You're most (British)/ very (American) welcome. Ask any of my students, and they'll tell you how much I loathe unnecessary adverbs, especially the dreaded V word. They serve only to distract from the word they're trying to help. Add to this the fact that welcome is similar to unique in the sense that it can't be modified, and these phrases become pointless. Am I more or less welcome given the thanks I'm given? I'm welcome, but how welcome am I? On a scale of one to ten, please.

Thank YOU! (British) The scope of this option is limited. Lucy's example is when someone thanks you for accepting their invitation, you thank them for inviting you. It's an odd situation and, to my mind, an unusual situation to give thanks in the first place.  

The pleasure is mine! <or> My pleasure! (informal)/I'm happy to help! (formal) I do not like these options. They change the focus. Someone is giving me thanks for something, and I turn it around to make it about me. Instead of acknowledging that someone is grateful for what I did, I have to make it about how I feel. They imply that if I did not derive pleasure from it, I would not have done it. 

I know you'd do the same for me! This is irrelevant. It diminishes the thanks being given and implies that I only did it because they'd have done the same for me. In fact, I feel like a better person for doing it if they wouldn't have done the same for me; "The less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty" (never pass up a chance to quote the Bard :-)>

That's alright! Lucy says that this one is for when you're apathetic about the favor or if you didn't want to do it. It does a good job of emphasizing the importance of tone, but it sounds sarcastic; I'm making it clear that I didn't want to do you the favor, but I did it anyway.

Don't mention it! and It was nothing! These two diminish the thanks being given. They're thanking me for a reason. Rather than trivialize that reason (it's not worth mentioning) for those thanks, I should accept them. A friend of mine once said that part of being a grown-up is knowing how to accept a gift and a compliment. The thanks are the compliment. Accept them.

It was the least I could do! WRONG! The least I could do is zero. Even Homer Simpson knows this. How far off-base do we have to be if we have to take a lesson from him?

Anytime! This one I'm good with. I am happy to help you anytime you need it. You can always come to me with your needs. This one receives my seal of approval.

Sure! (American) This one also seems to diminish the thanks. I don't know why this is different from "Anytime!", but I feel that "Sure!" almost brushes off the thanks; it sounds like I'm saying you shouldn't even have brought it up. 

Much obliged! and We appreciate your business! (formal) These options seem extra strange to me, because they're different ways to say "thank you". She uses them in examples of a business transaction. I'm in a shop. I buy something. The clerk hands me my purchase, and I say, "Thank you." They respond with an another version of "thank you". I understand that they want to thank me for my patronage, but they're better served by thanking me when handing me my merchandise, rather than have a quick sparring of who's truly grateful.

No worries! (British)/No problem! (American) Lucy acknowledges that older generations might not care for these (I think I'm offended). Most of the time I hear "No problem!", it's after having done something that I never considered to be a problem. "Would you pass the ketchup?" "No problem." Really? Passing that bottle that was slightly to your right across the table was not problematic? Such a blessed life you're living. 

I believe the vast majority of thanks we receive warrant a simple "you're welcome." That's what the words are for. The Oxford English Dictionary tells us that "you're welcome" is "used as a polite response to thanks." Let the words have their meaning. 

Oh, by the way, don't get me started on Lucy's use of exclamation points after almost every entry. That's a kvetch for another day.

And if you've read this far, please let me say thank you :-)>

July 27, 2020 - civil discourse

I consider myself a moderate progressive. I am unenrolled from all political parties. I enjoy discussing and debating the issues. I find that much of the problem in society is most people, myself included, live in an echo chamber; we surround ourselves with those who think like us, so we rarely hear opposing views. When we do, they are seldom presented in a calm, respectful way. This is compounded when people post on social media such as Twitter. When a news article goes up, the comments are essentially "Absolutely!" and "No way!" There's little decorum. There's little discussion. There's little debate.

In the past, I've tried to engage with people I know who tend to be on the opposite side of the political spectrum. I want to understand their views and help them understand mine. The problem is I cannot find anyone who will seriously engage with me. I had one openly tell me they're not "not nearly well enough read on most political subjects to present a proper debate" (although we have since a had few back-and-forths on a handful of topics). I had another agree that having this type of conversation is what the nation needs, then go silent when I asked my first question. I offered to have the same discussion with a member of my town's Facebook group and never received a response either way (which I'm taking as a "no").

I won't lie. I have a weakness (can't say an addiction, not yet) for reading the comments on Facebook and Twitter. I find many of them amusing in what I see as their ignorance. A couple days ago, NPR posted an article on the benefits of wearing masks during the pandemic. Someone responded with a link to the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) saying that masks don't help. I don't know what prompted me to respond to this stranger, perhaps it was boredom or masochistic tendencies, but I felt compelled to note that the JAMA article they posted was from early March, before the pandemic began, and that JAMA had since changed their view. We've had a bit of a back-and-forth, some of it respectful, some snarky, and I'm finding myself eager to hear back from them. I want to see if we're on the same page. I want to see if we can understand each other's logic. If I'm mistaken, I want to know. I hope they feel the same way. But this can only happen if we allow ourselves the chance to speak about it. 

I know anonymity is a contributing factor. It's easier to be vitriolic in posts when no one knows who you are. That said, I still want to engage. I want to have these discussions and see if there is still a middle ground in this divided nation. And hey, if you're up for a healthy discussion, let me know. I have some free time on my hands. 

July 24, 2020 - Big Time Adolescence

Last night we watched Big Time Adolescence on Hulu. It's a movie starring Pete Davidson as Zeke, a stoner in his mid-twenties who is friends with Monroe, the sixteen-year-old brother of his ex-girlfriend. Zeke is lovable in his own way; he goofs around with Mo along with Zeke's other friends who are closer to his age, drinking and smoking. It's not a good situation for Mo. But the blame doesn't and can't lie with Zeke. 


Zeke is a buffoon. Zeke has nothing but good intentions for Mo, but is clueless to the fact that what he's doing is more harmful than beneficial. Some of it is simple social issues, such as when he tells Mo to ghost the girl he likes to make her want Mo more. Zeke thinks this is a great idea, and because Mo looks up to Zeke - he has for close to nine years - he listens. And Mo is never surprised when Zeke's ideas don't pan out. 

Part of this might be that Zeke's frontal lobe isn't fully developed, if it's there at all. Almost nothing ever bothers Zeke, not even his girlfriend leaving him or what she does afterward, so Zeke never sees a problem with any situation. In his world, everything is good all the time. When he and Mo are in an art museum, he thinks he can simply purchase one of the paintings; it never occurs to him that museums don't work that way. When he's told he can buy a replica in the gift shop, problem solved. It's all good for Zeke. 

I think the blame - if any is to be placed - lies with Mo's family and Zeke's friends (although the latter might be almost as oblivious as Zeke). But how do you deal with someone whose heart is in the right place and whose only goal is to help someone else? Mo needs booze for a high school party? No problem. Zeke remembers what high school was like; this will be good for Mo. It's no secret that Zeke drinks and smokes all the time, yet Mo's parents (including his
father, played by Jon Cryer - and am I the only one who thinks Cryer now looks like a shrunken version of WWE's Big Show?) and sister have little problem with sixteen-year-old Mo hanging out with Zeke all the time. By the time it becomes an issue, it's too late to do anything about it. 


Characters such as Zeke aren't unusual. Seann William Scott's Wheeler in Role Models has similar traits, but Davidson's Zeke seems more... lovable. Against my own judgment and wishes, I like the guy, despite the fact that he's such a screw-up. I think much of this is due to the fact that I've been teaching Zekes for over sixteen years now. These are the kids at all grade levels who drive me crazy. They don't do their work. They don't pay attention. They're constantly disruptive. But there's something lovable about them. Despite the aggravation they put me through and despite the setbacks they inflict upon the rest of the class (which, I hope, I handle slightly more effectively than Mo's parents), I can't help but love these goofballs. I guess my hope is that the end of the movie (fear not - no spoilers) is similar to what happens to the knuckleheads who come through my classroom; they grow up, turn themselves into functional adults, and pay it forward.

July 23, 2020

As cities and towns across the country and across the world discuss and debate the best way to handle returning to school, my district has apparently settled on a hybrid model, but hasn't decided which model to pursue. I will give the administration and the town all the credit in the world; this is not an easy decision to make, and regardless of the result, many people will be unhappy for a variety of reasons. While I try to look at this situation from all angles - teachers, students, administrators, parents, different grade levels - I have to come at it from my own perspective first, that of a teacher.

All three options we've been given break the students into to groups in order to maintain six feet social distancing. I applaud this decision. Prior discussion considered a three-foot separation, which can't work. If at any point two people can extend their arms and touch each other, they're too close. In all options, any day a student is not in school, they are doing remote learning.The first option brings group A in on Monday/Tuesday and group B on Thursday/Friday. The second option brings group A in on Monday/Wednesday and group B on Tuesday/Thursday. The third option is a full week on and aa full week off. Each option has its own plusses and minuses. I have to keep in mind that I'm coming at this as a high school teacher; what works for me might not work for an elementary level teacher.

Given my choice, I will eliminate the week on/week off option. Two primary reasons guide this decision. One is continuity. Students need repetition to reinforce what is learned. Asking them to go a full week without guidance from educators will only serve to undo what is learned when they are in school. Studies have shown evidence of summer learning loss; when students aren't engaged in active learning, they tend to forget significant portions of what they've already learned. I'm worried that will happen at to a lesser degree by being out of the classroom every other week. Of the other options, my first choice was the second option. I'd rather have all the kids on the same page as much as possible instead of teaching half them for two days and then reteaching the same material to the other half three days later. I understand that numerous factors have to be considered and I'm going to have to make the best of a bad situation regardless of the chosen option, but I think we - students and teachers - need to be on the same page as much as possible. That said, the down side to this option is the fact that the buildings will only be sanitized once a week; students in group A will come into a sanitized building only on Monday mornings. Group B will never come into a sanitized building. For this reason, I am forced to look at the first option as the best least bad option. 

Another issue we have to face is socialization. School is more than a place to learn; it's a place to learn how to interact with others, both peers and adults. I honestly have no idea how this will work. Students will most likely eat lunch in the classroom, six feet away from anyone else. I don't know how hot lunches will work. I also don't know how students will be able to carry a full schedule of six or seven classes. If only three or four classes meet each day, what will happen to the rest of their schedules? What will those teachers do? I don't profess to have the answers, and I don't envy those who have to find them.

With so many questions still up in the air, I'm trying not to dwell on anything just yet. We have roughly another month to figure more out. While anything can happen in that month, I'm hoping we'll head back in circumstances more conducive to working together, both physically and philosophically.

*graphic from shutterstock